Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
