I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
