We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
