did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
