Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
