I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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