Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
