I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As shirtless as possible
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
