you traded sex for a burrito?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize