im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
