i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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