If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize