Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
