We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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