ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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