i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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