I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
