between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
