Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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