The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
