HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
