I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
