Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
