I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
