Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
