no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
