He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish you could order shots online.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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