Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
