i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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