WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Houston, we have a blender
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
