dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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