we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I believe in your delicious
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
