So drunk its hurt
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
