everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
