Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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