I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
