i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
