just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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