When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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