yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
