So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
