i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
