put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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