I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
