Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
