Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
