Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
