I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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