I have demons in me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
