Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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