you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize