I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
