I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
