It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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