there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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