he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
sex in a hospital.. check
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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