I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
