"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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