I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
