dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
