this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
