We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize