I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
