I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
