And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
