Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Actions speak louder than pants.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
