so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
