Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
