He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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